Tuesday, October 8, 2013

You MUST be a Step Mom

Do you ever stop and think about all the "titles" you carry? Right now you're walking around and you are a lot of things to a lot of different people. A sister, a friend, a daughter, a wife, a boss, a coach, a mentor, a friend... and the list goes on. But how often do you think about these titles? These roles in your life? Probably some more than others. But generally they probably don't enter your mind all that much. And then you become a Step Mom and suddenly that's a role that weighs heavily on your mind. Day in and day out. Its a role that weighs heavily on other people's minds as well. Suddenly you are someone's Step Mom and people use that word to define you. 

For my own entertainment (and maybe some of my step mom sisters as well), here is a list of the signs that someone (or maybe yourself) is defining you by your title of Step Mom.

1. "My mom doesn't make it that way." There's probably not a Step Mom out there that hasn't heard a variation of this from their step kids!
2. You are at your stepdaughter's cheer practice and all the mom's are huddled around talking about fundraisers... while you sit with your husband pretending to be 100% focused on what the kids are doing.
3. You let your stepdaughter pick out a tinted lip gloss without giving it much thought. Then panic that she is going to wear it to her Mom's house. 
4. You are the first to see school bulletins, emails from teachers and to hear about extracurricular activities but instead of replying you remind your husband to reply. Five times.
5. At school orientations you stand to the side while "parents" fill out emergency contact sheets and kids bustle around putting their supplies away. Pretend not to notice you are the only person in the room with no purpose. 
6. The cashier at the store directs a comment to the child about their Mom. Enough said. :)
7. You ask your boss for a day off to attend your step child's choir concert. 
8. You call in to work to stay home with your step child because no one else can.
9. You meet your step child's maternal grandmother for the first time. She makes four comments about what a great mother her daughter is in a space of five minutes.
10. You are volunteering at your step child's school. When introductions roll around everyone else is "Joe's Mom" and "Sally's Dad". You are "First Name". Or Mrs. Last Name.
11. "When is Daddy coming home?" is said repeatedly while your husband is working.
12. When planning your step child's birthday your "well meaning" mother-in-law offers to help, you know, since you haven't planned a kid's party before.
13. You try and arrange play dates with other Mom's from your step child's school. They always seem to be busy. But you hear later from your step daughter about her plans with the same kid on her Mom's weekend.
14. "Oh so do you have kids of your own?" 
15. Mother's Day rolls around and you get the "Happy Mother's Day" texts from family and friends but no call or mention of it from your step kids. 

When do you most feel the "Step Mom" stigma? Do you think its one other people place on you? Or is it our own insecurities?


  1. Great list! I can relate to about every one!

    How about when you bring your stepchild to an event that their Mom is also attending, and they leave you to go sit with her and act up the whole time knowing you won't correct them in front of her.

    Also, when your stepchild says "I have a baby brother" to another adult you are talking to, and you suddenly have to explain that their mother has a baby and you are "just" the stepmom. Fun times!

  2. I love both of those. And OMG I know it is the most uncomfortable thing in the world when skids mention their siblings and people assume that means they are yours. Gotta love being a step mom during these awkward times!