Friday, September 27, 2013


Every other weekend of my life is now filled with the sounds of an energetic nine year old. There is constant chatter, frequent laughter and the million questions that only a child would think to ask. We are busy with day trips, playing games and trying to get as much living in as possible before our time runs out (as it so very quickly does) on Sunday. Our weeks are filled with work, scrambling to get household items done, eating quick dinners, sleeping, wake up and repeat. So while we miss my stepdaughter, we don't have much time to feel the void of her absence.

That changes when her mom's weekends hit. Suddenly the house seems much too quiet. The days seem long. And while we always have a list of a million things we need or want to do before Monday morning rolls around... there is still an emptiness. Prior to January of last year I never knew how the sound of a child could feel your entire house. And so I also never knew how empty a house could feel without it. But now I feel it. I feel the quiet in every part of my being. And it has a way of making me crazy. I miss the noise. I miss the chatter. I miss the sound of footsteps running up and down the hallway while the dogs runs behind barking.

So what do you do? How do you move about your weekend and feel whole? How do you get past the loneliness that comes when part of your family is not there?

 Honestly, its also in these times that I most feel empathy for my stepdaughter's mother. If I struggle with the emptiness- how does she feel when its our weekend? She has had nearly ten years of the noise that comes with raising this child. And while she still has three other little ones running around to fill her days, I know the void of missing one of her children remains.

I know that we can't move through our lives wishing the days away just to get to our weekends. So how do we go about accepting the quiet and making the best of it? This question weighs heavily on me as we transition into another weekend. (Can you guess who's weekend it is?)

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